Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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