There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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