I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
