I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
