Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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