you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
