I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
