I smell stomach acid.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
