if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
