My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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