That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
