; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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