Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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