Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
