You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
