'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
