If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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