you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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