remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
