just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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