I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
