you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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