There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
