how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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