ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
