I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I love you.
Bad choice
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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