Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
a search helicopter?!
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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