To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Congratulations! We have a period
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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