and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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