I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
