the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
