why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
