we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
