im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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