Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
