So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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