Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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