i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
