only if we run a train.
done.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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