if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
