Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
