Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
We don't watch enough power rangers
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
