Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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