I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
