never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
