we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
how do flat chested girls get laid?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
