I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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