Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
