I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
