please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
