TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
